I have been so encouraged by the few parents that read my newsletter article… It gives me the validating feedback that spurs me on to continue writing uplifting and challenging messages every fortnight.
Chaplaincy provides a very nuanced view of people as I find my self getting a behind the scene view of the way people react and interact. A chaplain’s conversations quite often goes deep, and I get to see themes in the way our Kennedy community/individuals operates.
Relationships are the most common conversation and topic in my office on the blue couch. In the many conversations I have had about this topic, I have found a theme. The theme is, most of us would like other people to be and to act or to think differently. If they would only just follow ‘my’ script this relationship would work. I think you can see the problem here. NO ONE follows another person’s script to make a true relationship work!
In parent/child relationships this is so common. Parents want their child to act, to be, and think ‘differently’ (it’s the same from child to the parent). Can I remind you that our children are not blank canvases. They are characters, in many ways their blue print is fixed. The joy (and challenge) of parenting is to relate to, and nurture the person who is your child.
The ‘game changer’ in relationships is simple. We cannot change another person! We are not able to change the blue print of another person. They are designed to be who they are. Trying to change them to be someone else or to react a different way, uses up so much emotional energy for no gain. Finding ways to actually discover another person’s character and engage with them is the only way to truly have a healthy relationship.
Peter Chase
College Chaplain • Pastoral Care
